Internet Outage

Had an internet outage.  Have not been able to update past couple of days due to the internet being out.  That and working the crazy shifts.  Will update with Pulitzer Prize wining blogs as soon as able.  Stand by.......

Thank You Cleveland!

   I love music. As I have stated before.  It has a magical feeling to it.  If you have ever gotten goose bumps from a song or a guitar riff or a drum beat then you understand what I am talking about.  Everyone goes through stages in music.  Some embarrassing, ICP for example, is my shame.  Not that there is something wrong if that is your favorite *cough* band. To each their own. I am currently established in a holding of metal.  Been there a while now.  Will probably remain there for some time.  Enjoyment of music comes down to the end user of the product.  With that being said, I have wanted to compile a list of some of the concerts I have been to.  Granted this is not a conclusive list.  I can not remember all the bands I have seen.  This is just a highlight reel of concerts.  If you have never been to a concert to see your favorite artist or band you owe it to yourself to pony up the cash and go.  You will not regret it!

1. Bad Religion
2. Slayer
3. Ronnie J. Dio
4. Iron Maiden
5. Gwar
6. Black Sabbath
7. Danzig
8. Pantera
9. Kiss
10. Cannible Corpse

as my brother once said "Music is like assholes all of it stinks!" 

Smell of Greatness

   Forgive me for being crude.  I will try not to make a habit of it.  But why is it that your own "odors" has a, for lack of a better term, air of sweetness to it?  When you fart or burp or anything in between you enjoy the smell of it.  No trying to deny it.  Everyone does it.  From the loneliest of the peasants to the lord of the manor himself secretly enjoys their own repugnance.  But why is that? Maybe its one of our basic animal instincts.  Maybe we subconsciously realize that is our smell and there for we don't find it as disgusting.  I don't know just a thought

My Apologizes

   I am sorry.  I really am.  I have not been truthful with you.  I have not been telling you everything that has been on my mind.  I should be telling you about everything that enters my mind.  Regardless of whatever it is.  Whether it a small post about my favorite part of a rooster (the flap on the head). Or an epic reconstruction of the economic conditions of the upper lower class of the Hyberian rule before King Conan took the reign. Basically what I am getting at is the flood gates are now open.

 its called the "comb"

The endless debate....

   I have always been a Windows kinda guy.  I have dabbled in the black arts of Mac once before. I enjoyed both OS' totally.  Windows has everything at it fingertips.  Mac has ease of use.  I don't play lots of games so its not all that important for me  But I am at a loss for which platform is best for me.  On one hand I like to tinker with the machine to "increase" performance.  On the other hand my tinkering has destroyed both kinds of machines.  I am not a very computer literate guy.  I would like to be, but it is far too technical for me.  I have the basic understanding of how to put together, install programs, and totally destroy the machine.  I once deleted all the operating files on both a Mac and PC.  I think I am leaning toward getting a new computer in the up coming future.  Which OS should I get?

America F*ck Yeah!!

   I love my country.  I love everything we do.  We glamorize all sorts of useless things.  From sporting events to dog shows.  There are people whose job is talking about what is in style and what is not.  We spend more on our pets than a lot of countries have for a gross domestic export.  Speaking of dogs we will willingly spend thousands of tax dollars to save a puppy from being stuck in a drainage pipe.  This type of news is front page in some places.  From the millions of fast food chains to the useless products that makes tons of money (I'm looking at you Shake-Weight!).  We are the land of the big time and the frivolous.  Me and my wife have actually argued about which place to eat at Quiznos or Subway.  They are the exact same!  I'm sure we are not the only ones that have argued about such stupid things here in America.  I have bought more food grocery shopping that was thrown away than eaten.  My love for wastefulness is truly American. And this is what makes us so great! That is what makes the rest of the world want to be us, and hate us at the same time.

   Today I saw a, what I believed to be Afghan man, learning to speak English. Now this stuck me in a way that I did not think would happen.  This is when I realized we are the greatest nation in the world.  This man was of no particular significance.  He was a worker cleaning restrooms, picking up trash, and all the jobs that us Americans would turn our nose at.  This man happily did his job making his meager earnings.  Then during his break he took to learning English.  At first I thought good for him.  But upon deeper thought, I still had half a smoke left to ponder this situation, I realized it was because America was the bees knees.  Think about it for a second.  How many languages do you know as a American?  Probably barley one.  Hell, I barley am coherent in English.  Other countries, such as Germany and Korea, have mandatory English classes coming up through school. We choose to take foreign languages as an elective class.  The only reason I took Spanish class was to have a cool ass Spanish name(Gustavo). But back to this guy learning English.  He probably will never make it to America. But he knows he is bettering his life by learning the most important language there is. Amurican!

   Also the whole situation came to me as to why other countries hate us so.  I came to the conclusion that they are jealous.  Think about it for a second.  The countries that hate us are generally the ones with nothing.  But can we not relate?  Think of the nicest, most generous person you know.   Now somewhere out there their is someone that despises that person more than anything.  They cant stand that persons stupid face, hates their size thirteen shoe, wonders why their Haggar slacks always look so clean, and most of all hates their meddling within the community. Granted the nice person might not like how you do things from time to time and decides to crash at your house for a bit to make sure you settle down, but hey nobody is perfect!  What I am trying to get at is we as a country don't try and learn Chinese or German or Russian because we don't need to.  Everyone else in the world is already trying to emulate us. They scramble to learn English so we don't have to learn their stupid language  The rest of the world looks to us for the answers.  It doesn't matter if we are wrong because we are so bad ass at things we will turn that wrong into a right. So go ahead and get the super size.  Go ahead and buy that gas guzzling SUV.  Hell we are using up the worlds oil before we use our own. We are living the dream.  Not only is it the "American Dream", but its the worlds dream as well.

Random Though......

   I was in the store today buying the necessities (smokes and a Mountain Dew).  And I saw this dumpy looking white girl with cornrows in her hair. She looked freaking retarded. To all the white girls who have read or are going to read my blog.  DO NOT DO IT! YOU WILL LOOK STUPID! In the past year alone I have witnessed this debauchery of a trend first hand numerous times. It makes you look like the kinda girl whose step father, picture Jenny's father from Forrest Gump, would not even touch. This is just a public warning.

This is you, pay heed.

The Radio

   I like me some music.  From the smooth jazz offerings of Cannibal Corpse to the screaming death ballads of The Black Keys.  I generally enjoy most musical offerings that don't suck. Now I have heard some say that the music industry is doomed.  From illegal downloading to putting out unoriginal music that all sounds the same.  Now I can agree on both accounts.  But what I think really is killing the music industry is the radio.  With the exception of a few public access stations (89.3 KNON in the DFW area is awesome) its basically the same radio station from coast to coast.  If you listen to, lets say a rock station, in New York then  travel to California I can almost guarantee that the station will have the same songs, same sounding host, and same dribble we hear in Texas.  That is just retarded.  Why are you playing the same song across the country three times in the same hour?  Its the lack of musical availability to the masses that is killing music.  People want to hear something new or unheard of.  One of the best feelings is finding out about a band that rocks your dick off before they make it big and change their sound to be better tailored for mass consumption.  Maybe this is just me thinking this but if the powers that be would just put up more of a musical offering on their stations then maybe it would not be so bad for them and us after all.

Half alseep

   Is it just me or when you start to fall asleep the strangest of thoughts enter your mind?  Like totally random and ridiculous half sleep dreams?  I was dozing off to sleep at work.  Just like any good worker would.  And my thoughts went to me renting out a house or apartment or something of the such.  Me being worried that this abode did not have enough space for all the belongings for the people I was renting.  The people I was renting to was the family of a guy that I work with.  Well because of the limited space in the dwelling that was being offered I worried about getting my e-mails.  See this place had so little room that all the digital space for my personal emails was even used up.  You understand?  Physical and computer internet storage was the same.  So I thought that if the laptop was in the oven that all this could be resolved.  The only other thing is they needed to print off my emails while it was in the oven and mail them to me.  Through the actual mail.  This made complete and total sense when I was drifting off to sleep.  But only when I heard someone talk in the real world that I snapped out of that half sleep.

*exactally like this only completely diffrent

Finer things in life

   I enjoy the simple things.  I love smoking Marlboro Reds, drinking cheap beer and day dreaming.  I enjoy day dreaming the most of anything I do.  It is truly my favorite and probably only hobby.  I think what it would be like to win the lotto, fight a flying bear, punch that guy in the testicles that ruins the end of movie you really want to see, or basically anything that makes life more pleasant.  But I don't know if its just me or my day dreaming has gotten so elaborate that it kinda takes some of the fun out of it.  For example the get a bunch of money fantasy is pretty much my go to from the spank bank.  But even in my dazes of hypothetical absurdity I still pay bills and argue with the wife about frivolous purchases.  Yes you read cor-rectally I argue with my wife in my fantasy.  Example, fuel prices continue to climb, but I am still worried in fantasy land about fuel mileage.  Instead of thinking I am going buy a dragon that is powered cocaine.  I'm debating driving a Prius or a TDI VW.  Maybe I am just getting older, or getting wiser with money, or just a giant douche bag (I am leaning towards the latter).  Which ever it is none of it will change for me.  I will still be bickering in dream land about the price of grapes per pound with my 12 month sober dragon buddy who smells of coffee and cigarettes.

Pomp and Circumstance

  The passing of the great "Macho Man" Randy Savage was taken hard by those with Slim Jim's in their belly.  Who can forget the "Ooh yeah!" and his "Pomp and Circumstance" ring entrance. I was not a fan of wrastlin, but I remember friends of mine talking about the going ons' of the wrastlin world with true conviction that this was real.  This was the first soap opera for guys.  But what really freaked me out is when I started to look around at all the different wrastlers of that era.  These guys personal lives were much MUCH more intresting than what was going on in the ring.  But that is neither here nor there. But anyways its always a shame when someone that you remember from your childhood has a heart attack and crashes into a tree.  I'm sad we will not get the follow up to Savages' "Be A Man" rap album. 

I like my Mustache

   I grew a mustache kinda for a joke about half way into my oversea tour.  I cut it off before I came home for the two week cock tease of a vacation I am allowed.  I didn't think much of it when I cut it off, but my wife asked me to grow it back for when I come home. For reasons unknown to me why she would want me to.  Because honestly who thinks a mustache is sexy?  The only people in the world who have ever gotten mustaches to work for them are as followed:

• The Amish

• Teddy Roosevelt

• Ned Flanders

• Freddie Mercury

• George Parros (Google it)

• Ron Burgundy 

• Every black man ever

 I figured why not.  So I started to grow it back.  Well let me tell you that me and facial hair don't tend to get along. The hair grows on my face like a mange ridden cat.  Sporadically.  I have a large gap in between the seven hairs I have on the side of my face and my starting to thin head hair. But i digress.  Well seeing how in my job field we are only allowed to grow 'staches.  Lucky for me this is the one of the things that actually grows in completely.  The other that grows in fully is the most bad ass of throat hair.  Well my 'stache isn't thick just complete. But anywho I was looking in the mirror on the way to work and I think it might work for me.  I think I might keep it for some time now.  I will now embrace my growing hair of straight sex from my upper lip.

 * on a side not Martin Van Buren had the most wicked burns in the history of history

Random thought.....

  I was thinking about the cinema classic Preditor.  Do you rember what Jesse "The Body" Ventura who plaid Blain actually looked like in the movie?  The dude was a beast. Quite possibly cooler than Dutch (Arnold Schwarzenegger).  I mean listen to these movie quote

• Blain: Bunch of slack-jawed faggots around here. This stuff will make you a god damned sexual Tyrannosaurus, just like me.
  Poncho: [holds up his grenade launcher] Yeah, strap this on your "sore ass", Blain.
• Poncho: You're bleeding, man. You're hit.
  Blain: I ain't got time to bleed.
  Poncho: [Confused] Oh... Okay...
  Poncho: [Poncho shoots a bunch of grenades up to the top of the cliff] You got time to duck?

   I mean seriously that is the awesomeist thing I have ever heard! But have you seen him lately? Oh how the mighty have fallen.



This is all new to me....

   Let me start off by saying I don't like Thomas Alva Edison.  I have no reason for this.  I like light bulbs just like the next guy.  But for some reason the guy rubs me the wrong way.  He once told Nikola Tesla that he would pay him lots of money to fix the problems he had with Direct Current, aka DC, (for the dummies) and he never did pay.  Not that I really care or anything, but you know it gives me a reason.  Instead of me saying "I just don't like the douche!"

   But enough of that.  I basically just want a place that I can vent about anything.  You really cant do that on facebook lest you look like a huge tool.  I want a place that I can talk about the things that bother me, things that piss me off, and even things I like.  I really don't like to write a whole lot usually.  I actually draw more penis' on the bathroom wall than write but sometimes it just comes out.  This is basically the reason I started this blog in the first place is to talk about what ever I want. Maybe along the way someone stumbles along my rantings, run on sentences, horrible grammar, miss spelled words (even with spell check), horrible descriptions, incoherent ramblings and gets a laugh or thinks I feel the same way.  But I expect more people to say that I am stupid and am not funny. A year from now I hope to have had six people read this, because if you don't shoot high it makes failure look that much more sad.

   A little about myself.  Lets see where to begin.  I am towards the end of a deployment overseas.  I have about one month left in a year long stint.  Lets just say that blue balls don't even begin to describe my state right now.  I have about as much patience as a ten year old with ADHD.  Everything is really pissing me off.  Like this computer for one.  It is a German computer OK, the Y and Z are switched and the button for the A is missing.  Is that even what its called ? A button? And what the hell is this ß?  Is it some kinda fancy B? Or this Ö?  This is the surprised face for when you find out Santa is just your drunk dad. Thank god I have a great wife at home who has really helped me through this whole "miss a year of everything" phase of my life.  I have some kids.  I lost count of them at one.  They are awesome as well.  They made this whole year go by even easier.  (Did the sarcasm come through in my typing?) But enough about them.  I have been sleeping in a tent with about ten or so other guy.  It really is as wonderful as you would think.  But the tent I stayed in actually had it good.  We only had ten.  But like I said the time is almost over.  Lets see I enjoy death metal, but at the same time I don't.  Does that make any sense?  I hate onion only sometimes.  Hot dogs disgust me except when they are delicious.  If any of this doesn't make any sense welcome to my life.  My life is like that of the English language that I have so masterfully mastered good like, so many exceptions to the rules.  I think this is all I can come up with at this time.  But expect lots of writing from me for like a week or so or none at all.  Who know.  Then I'll get really into plant erotica and lose interest in this all together.  Until next time..........